Ramblings of a Sorta Single Mom

Exactly 1 week from today I'll be sending my little girl off on the school bus for the first time.  I was thinking about it on the way to work Monday and nearly gave myself a panic attack!!  Acccckkkkk!!   School starts on the 4th and since she is going to a public preschool she follows their schedule.  Right now I can't work out getting out of work to pick her up so we have to use the school bus.  I'll be with her when she gets picked up but she'll get dropped off with her babysitter.  What happens in between is totally out of my hands and I'm a pretty crazy control freak.  Yes, I'm admitting it.  I started thinking about what happens if she gets left on the bus or gets off at the wrong stop.  what if her teacher doesn't put her on the bus or what if the bus has an accident.   Seriously, Tuesday is going to be the longest day of my life.  Well, maybe not the longest bu tit will seem like it.  Any tips from mom's who have been there??  I'd like to think it gets easier over time....Not to much to ask is it? 

Jayden on the other hand can't wait.  Her teachers did a home visit yesterday and she was thrilled!  We have books about riding the bus and going to class which she is loving.  She's definitely more ready than I am.  

*Sigh*

And it's only the beginning................

I check mine on occasion and really don't put any stock into them.  I thought today's was funny though.  I'm sure Jenn has something to say about it!! LOL

"Romance is in the air, with someone you knwo quite well!  Whether you are attached or single, you will notice another's attention being sent in your direction. Flattered?  Of course, but what you do with it is entirely up to you."

Sometimes we become content with the strangest of things.  For most it has to do with work or your personal life. Me?  Right now I'm content by the amount of food stored in my house.  Isn't that crazy??  Actually, I think Heidi will be beaming by the end of this post.  LOL

So previously I mentioned that I scored big time at a local discount store on dry goods.  This time I stocked up on meats.  I think I'm going to make a habit of this.  Instead of every payday buying a little of everythign I'll alternate.  Honestly, it almost seems like I have so much more doing it this way.  And I can stay with in my budget. 

So now I'm can look in my pantry which is still over flowing with canned veggies, fruits, pasta, etc.  My freezer is now packed so tight, I don't know how I could get anything else in that.  The sad part is I'm going to have to try tonight.  Which brings me to my next favorite invention....the food saver!  For a family of 2 it's near impossible to make meals that are sufficient for just that meal.  you always end up with left overs unless your doing one of those individual tv dinners.  Yes I have a few of those in the fridge too.  Anyways, I stocked up big time on meats this week at the store.  And I divided and food saved every last bit.  Even the hotdogs!  We don't eat 10 hot dogs in a sitting for the 2 of us.  And its inevitible that some will go to waste because we don't eat lunch here every day.  So this time i broke it down to just what we needed and food saved each one.  Ground beef, chicken, sausage, etc.  You name it we got it. 

I'm also working on meals.  Tonight I'm making lasagna. One of my favorite things but time consuming enough that i don't make it often.  Instead of trying to condense it down to fit 2 I made a regular batch.  After tonights dinner we'll probably have 3 or 4 more meals out of it which I plan to freeze and food save for later.  Then if I want to make it for dinner again I just thaw it out, pop it in the oven to warm up and it's good to go.  Home made lasagna. 

I've got a few other casserole dishes I want to do the same thing with but freezer space it's at a premium right now.  I never did get a chester freezer before and I don't know that I even could now.  There's power to the one deck but it's already crowded with the grill and jaydens bike.  Not to mention I think it's bad to expose it to the elements.  I'd have to see.  If i could get a chest freezer I'd be in heaven though! 

I have to say that this all ties into me moving jayden adn I to a smaller place completely on our own.  Our lives are so much more calm and better.  I'm not stressing about every little thing nor am I having to deal with someone elses issues.  Makes ya wonder why I would ever want to be in a serious relationship but thats a whole other blog. 

So last night I realized I have the best invention ever in my cupboard.  What is it you ask???  

The Food Chopper.  

I've actually had it for about a month now but last night was my first opportunity to actually use it.  And not in the most conventional way either.   I made spagetti last night and normally I use a pizza cutter to cutt up all the spagetti noodles.  My three year old made love slurping them up but the mess the sauce makes I'm not to fond of.  So i cut them up so that she can just eat them off a spoon. 

The pizza cutter has always worked well as it's easy to put the noodles in a bowl and roll the cutter back and forth.  Even easy to clean up! The only downfall is the noodles tend to stick to the cutter and the cutter can't always get to the noodles in the edge so I'm having to stir and recut, etc.

Last night I saw my food chopper just as I was serving up the food and thought....hmmm I wonder.....  So I put a serving of the spagettin on a plate, put the food chopper over it and went to town. Well it was really onlylike 3 or 4 pushes of that little handle thing.  What do ya know.  Perfect size little noodles for Jaydens spoon.  And not a single noodle was left uncut.  And for clean up, I dropped it in the dishwasher.  

So, I'm now in love with my food chopper.  I'm already trying to think of anything else I might use it for.  Maybe for once I'll buy real onions instead of the dry ones in a jar.  I hate chopping ontions.  The smell, the tears, etc.  Just to much work. 

And what did this handy little machine cost me??   Anyone want to take a guess??  This little contraption that costs $30 through pampered chef cost me $3 at the local Dollar General.  yes I know, most times it's cheap flimsy stuff that they sell.  This however appears to be just as sturdy as the pampered chef model.  Even came with some accessories.  Didn't have any directions though so I'm not sure what all the accessories are for, but I'll figure it out eventually!

Need I say more???  I'm so glad it's Friday!!!   Haha.  jayden is going to a sleep over tonight so I'll have hte evening to do what ever.  Right now I've got a few friends who are thinking of coming by to play cards and hang out.  Time to have some fun but not go to a bar, which i'm really not in the mood for at all. 

The work day is just dragging by though.  I've got some things to do but absolutely no motivation to do it.  I'm so burnt out with work it's just crazy.  I like staying busy but not to the point where I'm working 16hrs every day.  A person can only take so much of that.   I just keep telling myself 2 more weeks and I get a 4 day weekend.  I took the 31st off.  Jayden has a preschool open house where she can meet her teacher and visit the classroom.  We'll drop off supplies and get her green shirt for the school bus.  She is sooooo ready to start school.  Every morning asks if it's time to go.  We'll see how long that holds up though.

I have no idea what I'll do with the 4 days off.  I think that friday after her open house I'll drop her at the babysitter so I can go to take care of renewing my license plates.  I'm a bad tax payer adn forgot to pay my personal property tax.  I have to pay those before they will let me renew my tags which expire this month.  Our DMV's are crazy busy usually which could mean a long line.  Especially since I won't get by there till late in the afternoon.  One can hope though!  Talk about waiting till the last minute. 

Not an exciting blog today.  Just not sure what to talk about again and rambling to take up space.  Fits my blog title though. 

I'm one of those crazy people who actually enjoys running.  Yes, I like torturing my body and to be honest, the harder the run is the better I feel afterwards.  Lately though b/c of how busy work has been I just haven't made it out for a run.  Not a good thing b/c I actually have a half marathon I'm supposd to run in just under 4 weeks.  Ahhhh!!!  I'll make it though.  I've always said I'm a distance runner at heart.  I love having that quiet time to just think or live in my own little world.  And at the same time I can work out my body and all that.  I used to run all the time before I ahd J.  After i had her I got kind of depressed with the whole singel parent deal and just baby blues.  So I didn't run again until last fall.  I ran my 1st half marathon since before J this past March and did even better than I ever expected finishing in 2hrs 12 mins.  That was better than the last race I ran in 2002.  Since I haven't been training for this next one like I should have I doubt I'll beat that time but I will finish it. 

As i said the last few weeks I've just been so busy with work and just so tired that I hadn't been running.  Tonight though, I went out for a run.  The temps are finally cooling off a bit and hte humidity isn't as bad.  It was a tough start.  I could feel the lack of activity in my lungs almost right at the start.  10mins into it though and I was flying high.  20 mins into it and i got hit with a killer cramp that almost doubled me over.   Ugh.  Guess i should have remember nto to drink a big glass of tea only a few mins before heading out huh???  tomorrow is another day though!

Sometimes it amazes me the things that Jayden utters.  Usually it makes me smile or giggle but every once in awhile I'll have one of those laughing so hard I can't drive need to pull over moments.  Tonight was one of them.  To be honest, it may have been one of those "You had to be there moments" but I laughed so hard I couldn't even shift gears in my car.  Not a good thing when it's required to accelarate!  Anyways, Jayden had said something was hurting and at first I just knew I had misunderstood her so I asked her to repeat herself.  So she did.  And I swear she said the same thing so I made her say it a third time.  This time I heard her clearly. 

What she said was "My booboo's are hurting".  What I thought she said....."My boobies are hurting".  

The rest of the conversation went something like this....

"Oh ok" (giggle) "I thought you said your boobies hurt and you don't have those"

"yes i do mommy!" (as she pulls down her neckline and points to them. "I have 2 tiny ones.  You have 2 really big ones though"

At that I started laughing histerically and had to pull to the side of the road.

For the most part life goes ok.  We make it through each day fine with only a few bumps along the road.  Some days though....it just gets really tough!  These last few days....are one of those days.   It's hard not to think back to the beginning and wonder..."what if".  what if I hadn't made a different choice.  What if I had found out sooner.  the list goes on and on.  On any of them...just one minor change would have most liekly changed my entire life. 

I don't regret the choices that I made, I'm glad that I chose them b/c of how things have turned out.  I've learned a lot of people that I thought I knew so well.  Turns out I didn't know them at all.  most of all me.  I really think that someone was watching out for me and that things turned out this way for a reason.  So whats the problem???  It doesn't stop me from wishing for more.  yes, those of you who read this tell me all the time what a fantastic job I'm doing.  All that encouraging stuff.  Dont' get me wrong, i appreciate it so much.  I envy you though.  I won't say jealous b/c that just invokes the thought of hate and thats definitely not the case.  No, I just envy you.  I want what you have.  I want MORE.

This weekend I buried myself in work stuff.  Working for hours on end in the new system to pass the time.  Hours of mindless work where I could pass the time and not have to THINK.  I was afraid if I started thinking I would think of all those things I don't have.  Someone to share this life with.  To share all Jayden's milestones with.  To share in the joys and sorrows.  To share in the responsibility.  Yes, I know having someone isn't all roses.....but STILL.  At the end of the day you have that someone. 

yesterday was bad.  i couldn't watch a movie with out getting teary eyed.  Lifetime was my enemy.  It will get better though.  A few days and I'll not even be worried about it anymore.  Until then.....I'm certainly getting a lot of work done!

I'm letting Jayden help out in the kitchen when I can these days.  Now that we are on our own again things are so much more calm and relaxed.  On the weekends when we're not rushing around I don't mind letting her stir and add ingredients.  Last night we made some brownies before one of her friends came over for a sleep over.  She had so much fun with it.  And the brownies were actually quite good!

I LOVE getting compliments.  They only count when they are unsolicited and unexpected to.  It's just something about it that makes you feel good about what ever it was you were complimented on.  Me...I don't usually receive them that well.  I may love getting them but I'm just not good at getting them.....make sense?? Probably not.  A compliment if given face to face can make me blush, stutter, sweat, and get all scatterbrained.  Maybe one day I'll find out the cause and be able to change that. 

Tonight I got an awesome compliment!  I logged in to my work email, yes I know it's almost 10pm but I always check it, and while deleting out the 20 spam mails i got i found one from my boss.  Keep in mind he's been in Hatteras this last week on vacation and was in Colorado Springs the week before.  He's missed the majority of the issues we've run into with all these changes at work.   Anyways here's what he said: "You're doing a phenomenal job leading Applied.  It's not unnoticed.  Thank you!". 

Applied is the new computer system we switched to and I've been in charge of it since day 1.  I had less than 2 weeks to get 6 offices and 17 people up and running.  No easy task!  It's taken a lot of long hours and little sleep but in the end it will be worth it.  I keep telling myself that anyway.  I like Jen's response to it though.  "tell him you'd like to see that thank you in your paycheck".   Now wouldn't that be nice.  Especially since i actually got my yearly performance review  right in the middle of all this and i was graded as not even meeting expectations.  Talk about a blow to to the confidence.  

on a positive note my paycheck at the end of the month should totally rock.  Thanks to a change in our commission structure I'm making 40% more on the policies I'm writing.  Nothing beats going from a $40 payment to $400!!!   LOL