Ramblings of a Sorta Single Mom

So, the question I’m most often confronted with when people realize I’m a single parent is “How do you do it?”.  That is usually quickly followed by “I know I could never do it all alone”.  Hmmm….how DO we do it??  Well I can say for me I don’t know any better.  Since before my daughter was born I’ve been doing this on my own.  When she was born I had to do what ever was needed b/c there was nobody there who was going to do it for me.  So you just adapt.  You learn to cope with all the issues and things that need to be done.  You learn how to juggle working full time and then taking care of an active baby or toddler at night.  Some of us *gasp* even still attend college in hopes to finally finish that degree we long for.  Before long, before you even realize it, these day to day tasks are just normal every day life.  Now it’s my turn to think “I wouldn’t know what to do if I had the help!”.  Could I even manage now if I had a partner there to relieve me of my motherly duties occasionally?  Wow…you mean there’s that concept of alone time?? 

I must say though that myself, and those in similar situations probably have an easier time adjusting then someone who seperated after a childs birth or got divorced.  Your used to having that other person there.  Even those who say their other half does absolutely nothing.  When it really is just you, you realize pretty quickly that there was always at least SOMETHING that they did which lifted the burden a bit from your shoulders.  Even if it’s something as minor as being at home when you need to make a late night run to the store b/c your out of milk and you need it for tomorrow’s breakfast.  When they aren’t there anymore suddenly you have to consider is it worth waking the kids up just so they can have milk with their cereal.  Hmmm….tough choice….

 So, yes it is difficult.  We miss out on alot of things married couples have.  You miss that emotional connection and shared experience.  You miss out on sharing exciting new milestones together.  Instead your left to be both mom and dad.  But you know what?  It really isn’t such a bad thing.  After all…I get to celebrate Mothers day AND Fathers Day!!  LOL

So figured to start this out how about talking about who we are….seems like a good place as any to start.  Well, I’m Crystal!  I’m 27 and I’m a single mom to my beautiful little girl Jayden who will be 4 in September. 

 

Her father has been absent basically since before she was even born.  He disappeared when I was about 5 months preggo only to show up the day she was born and tell me he was going to demand a DNA test to make sure this was his child.  For me, I knew with out a doubt but its still angered me that he would insinuate that I may not.   Anyways, we went through that whole process, I was proved right, and then he promptly disappeared.  He has not seen our daughter since she was a month old.  Since he is in the Navy I’m guaranteed the child support check every month but other than that it’s been nothing.  No cards, no calls, no visits.  Granted he is in Hawaii but I know for a fact he has been back in the area at least once.  At that time we lived less than a mile form his brother and still, he never attempted to see her.  In fact, he actually told his family that I refused to let him.   In some ways I’m glad that he is not around.  It’s better than dealing with the yo yo issues that so many people deal with.  Even one of my best friends has to deal with this for her son and it is so sad to watch.  The children don’t understand why things happen the way they do and they only end up hurt more.  So in some ways I wish that her father would be involved with her so that she has that relationship, but in others I’m thankful i don’t have the stress that usually goes along with it.    So thats our story in a nutshell.  Jayden and I just take it day by day doing the best we can.  I really couldn’t have asked for a better child…..granted we have our moments as we’re both pretty stubborn, but over all someone was really watching over me when she was born.  Sleeping through the night at 3 months, gave up formula/bottle on her own at 1 year, potty trained by 18 months, and I’ve only missed one day of work due to her being sick.  Some say it’s luck, I say it’s a blessing. 

Ok I have to run off to get ready for work so I’m off for now.  This is kinda fun though so I’m sure I’ll be back! 

So it seems like every single person I know is doing this whole blog thing and it looks like it could be fun.  i mean, where else can you just post random thoughts, ideas, vents, etc.   I blog occasionally on my myspace page but thats more like just posting interesting horoscopes and such.  So we’ll see where this takes us!!